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11-07-2025 | feeling: ambiguous
been a bit too lazy to update the update log on the main page but i've been working a lot on my site. it's becoming a bit tough to think of new themes for each page though... i mean i know i don't have to but like. i do though. anyways i've been feeling pretty weird lately. it's honestly probably because i haven't exercised this week yet. i don't know what it is but exercising helps me get my stagnant out? by stagnant energy i mean like the energy that i have to do something like my work or studying but not actually using that energy, thus making it stagnant. i've been struggling a lot with this stagnant energy though because i straight up do not want to do anything but also i want to do everything. like i do have the energy to do things but i just can't get myself to do them? so i'm kind of stuck right now. but i'm not either because i CAN do these things literally whenever i'm just. not.
i feel like i've always struggled to do things i don't want to do because i don't really have self-discipline to do said things. like if i don't want to do something i don't do it until the very last second. i'm not sure why... i only feel the urge to do things on the day they are due which makes me stress out really bad on those days but the days leading up to the due date i have no urge or want to do the assignments but i still get the stress of not doing the assignment. it's like being on a roller coaster that's going up and up and up and you know that at some point you are going to drop and that will happen, but for some reason you don't feel like dropping on the way up? but you ARE still scared because you are getting higher and higher, you just don't feel like going through with the falling down until it's seconds before it happens. idk it's a weird limbo to describe and honestly my sleep schedule hasn't been the greatest so i might not be making sense here. i'll probably be able to explain it better in like a week though (lol)
in other news, my cousins has been OBSESSED with The Lion King lately and whenever they come over they play it over and over again. the issue isn't that the movie is bad (i personally think its like a 9.9/10 movie but to each their own), it's that i keep crying when we watch it? it's whenever The Circle of Life plays, it's when i look at the screen and remember that this was a hand-drawn movie, it's whenever Simba remembers who he is with Rafiki. i have to put headphones on and force myself to look away from the screen or else i'll start sobbing. there's a scene in the very beginning where they show a little baby Simba and i guarentee if i saw that scene alone i would need like 3 minutes to myself to just weep.