my blog!

11-04-2025 | feeling: chill
recently had a mid-term exam for a class that i honestly do not study for and thank goodness got a 90%... also got a 98% on my recent (today) Anatomy & Physiology quiz! i really like A&P but i don't know if i want to go into nursing like i currently am... like i know for a fact that i can't handle the stress of an emergency room lmao. maybe i'll work in a more appointment-based place. it's honestly a bit weird learning about A&P while being disabled. i mean for physical disabilities i haven't been diagnosed yet but trust me they're there lol. it's almost like an i-Spy book in a way, trying to point out what could possibly be going on with me based on the notes i'm taking. so far nothing *too* related, but who knows. maybe it's something that we've already learned about and i just have no idea. in any case it's a class that i really like and is also my only in-person class this semester so that probably helps a lot in terms of my opinion of it.
talking about classes, i'm constatly worried that my teachers think that i use ai to write my responses to their emails or homework. i type in a way that i guess could be seen as robotic in a way? i mean the waay that i'm typing right is much more informal than the way i write for class, but i think it's still human-like enough right? god i hate trying to "sound human". like i kinda talk like this in real life and i always think i sound off or just. odd. like i try to mask the way i actually speak but it's uncomfortable. i just don't like masking in general. i get a lot of things wrong that i didn't know i could get wrong. it's like everyone got a manual of how to act and i got the shitty ripped-up version in a language that hasn't fully been deciphered yet. well for what it's worth, i'm grateful to know how i actually act, or at least a good portion of how i actually am. years of masking and trying to be someone i'm not has made it difficult to dig deep and find out who i actually am, but over the past 2-3ish years, i've really been trying to find who i am inside and i think i've found quite a bit of it. here's to finding more in the future!